Let Go Read online

  The guy who sold me the truck, after some inquiry on where I could stay—because I’m not leaving until I find her—sat me down with the owner of the place who had a hunting cabin not too far away that he let me rent for another chunk of cash without a contract.

  Translated...I don’t want anyone to know who I am. Or where I am.

  I’ve been lucky, as far as I know no one has recognized me, and I’d like to keep it that way.

  After I left there, I drove farther out of the quaint downtown looking for her. The manager said she’d been staying in a room above the restaurant but said since she took her things when she ran out, I’m thinking she’s not heading back there, at least not tonight.

  I don’t understand why she burned her entire existence the moment I showed up. I think it was obvious I was trying to help her, not hurt her. All I know is, there’s a vacant spot in my chest where my heart used to be, and it’s got her face carved all over it.

  Up until yesterday when I stormed out of that meeting, my life had been on a trajectory upward that I didn’t see coming and couldn’t control.

  It’s a dream for most. I’m not complaining, I’ve been lucky beyond words in so many ways and I’m grateful for the things I’ve seen and done.

  First, just out of high school, my buddies and I formed a band. Honestly, we just wanted to get into bars and maybe spend some time with pretty girls.

  See, we weren’t the popular guys in school. We were in the marching band, played Dungeons & Dragons too much and were not in the cool crowd.

  After a year of driving our parents crazy playing in their basements and garages though, all that changed. We got a gig at a hometown bar where a producer from a music label happened to be slumming. From there, it was a whirlwind of studios, contracts, tours and more women screaming my name than I cared to remember.

  That part of being Lachlan Marcus never did sit right with me though. That was all my band mates. They had a new girl every night. But for me, I’d rather be writing music and finding someone who might actually care about me.

  Rather than the image of me.

  Anyway, from there I got a part in a major motion picture and I divided my time between the band and the acting gig. Things were going well, but I guess I should have seen it coming when the band had had enough of me outshining them. They basically kicked me out. So I went solo and with no more effort I was bigger than ever, and I’ve barely had a moment to breathe since.

  That was six years ago, and I’ve barely stopped for a minute. I developed a clothing line, a restaurant chain, starred in four more major motion pictures and developed a serious lack of interest in any of it.

  I’m burned out and have learned the hard way that trusting people is a risk; one I’ve become more and more unwilling to take.

  Enter my exit yesterday, and my subsequent retreat to this town, and now to this secluded cabin where I hope to figure out how to get the reins back on my life.

  Maybe it’s just wishful thinking but seeing that waitress today, feeling the reaction I had to her, made me think I was exactly where I needed to be for the first time in as long as I can remember.

  But now, sitting here in this cabin, freezing rain tinkling against the windows and the roof, all I feel is claustrophobic. Like I’m trapped in this life and there’s no clear path to the other side. I need to get out. I know it’s not this cabin that I want to leave, it’s the life I’ve grown to resent, but I need to go somewhere, anywhere, just to clear my head.

  I rummage through the clothes I bought at the thrift store and pull out a faded camo army jacket and stuff my arms though the sleeves, then head out into the cold.

  I’m a big guy, jackets my size weren’t plentiful and when I saw the name stitched on this one, Reynolds, I thought it was a sign. That was my father’s first name and he always told me to look for signs in life. To be open to the visions that the universe gives us but as we get older, we grow suspicious and jaded.

  Our genius fades.

  On a deep exhale, I pull the blue knit cap I bought over my head and start down the path that leads away from the cabin toward the state land that borders this place.

  The ground crunches under my boots as the freezing pellets sting my face then melt and run down, soaking the collar of the jacket and the front of my flannel shirt. There’s a low hammering in the back of my head and despite the size of my bank account and all the people that usually surround me, I don’t feel as though I have anything to be proud of in my life.

  I think back on my childhood. We were not poor, but there was not much extra in my parents’ budget. But I remember a lot of love and a lot of laughter. The kind that flows easily and sinks its memories into your very being. I guess, I just imagined my life would always be like that and the irony is the more money I made, the more famous I became, the less secure I felt.

  The less loved. And all the laughter evaporated.

  Memories spin in my head and the strangest part is, she’s there in all of them. I don’t even know how that’s possible.

  I stop for a moment on the trail. It’s dark except for this crazy reddish moon that’s full and streaming light everywhere, making the forest surreal and tinted with pinkish orange.

  The weather’s alternating between stinging pellets of ice and huge cold drops of rain. This is the kind of weather that is even more dangerous than a snowstorm and the logical part of me wonders what the fuck I’m doing taking a long walk to nowhere out here tonight.

  I don’t listen. I’ve followed my logic for a long time, and this is where I’ve ended up so fuck it. I’m following my heart, my feelings, and if I end up frozen out here tonight at least I found my freedom.

  I listen to the sounds of the forest in the weather. The way the rain and ice hits the branches, and everything is covered in a coating of ice. The trees sway and creak above me and in the distance, I hear the sound of a large tree or branch giving in to the weight of the ice, slamming into the ground with a deep, dull thud and crunch.

  I should go back, but there’s a flicker of light ahead and I wonder if I’m seeing things. Visions have been haunting me since I left the cabin and I hear my father’s voice telling me to be aware of the signs around me and follow what feels right.

  Pushing ahead on the trail, the ground is slick, and the trees look as though they are covered in glass. Light reflects in odd arcs and the flicker I saw ahead of me streams out onto the path again.

  I see a small cabin in the distance. It’s about a quarter the size of the one I’m staying in. The light disappears again but as I come up closer, I see a small porch and a silver blanket covering a hunched figure. “Hey, you okay?” I step around closer and the shape under the blanket shifts then freezes. “It’s not a good night to be out here. I’ve got a cabin, it’s not much but it’s warm and I can offer you a bite to eat.”

  I take one of the two steps going up to the tiny sheltered overhang and a hand comes out to pull down the silver fabric.

  I nearly topple backwards as those eyes that seem to hold stories about how my life will unfold from here pierce through the dark and wrap beams of white light around my heart.

  I’m on my knees in front of her in the next second, unable to fathom how many coincidences brought me here.

  “I’m okay.” She forces the words out, shaking, and I see a blue tint to her full lips.

  “You’re not okay, but you’re going to be.” I grit out. I glance around, see a backpack leaning against the wall and grab it. After I hitch it up onto my shoulders, I reach down, find the crook of her legs with my forearm, sweep my other arm around her back and pull her up and against me.

  “I said I’m okay.” Her words are tight, but she doesn’t fight me. In fact, one of her arms comes up to lock around the back of my neck like she’s holding on for dear life. As I take a step backward, I see the flash of a blade in her other hand. I nearly fall down the steps onto my ass, but there’s no way I’m dropping her. “I said I’m okay.” She repeats but I h
ear no malice or fear in her words.

  I’ve got her against me now and I never want to let go. As I touch her, my mind is inundated with visions of us laughing together. Me kissing her. Her naked, under me, calling my name.

  Before I get us on the path toward my cabin, I bend my leg, placing one foot on the steps and supporting her weight there as I release my hand from the crook of her legs. I take hold of the bowie knife and try to pry it from her fingers as I whisper into her ear, over and over, “Let go. I’ve got you now.”

  4

  Teah

  I take a deep breath, the scent of him washing through me like a tidal wave of safety.

  I’ve spent plenty of nights outside. Just part of how I grew up. My parents thought it was a necessary skill.

  Only last night, soaking wet, unsure where I would be tomorrow, what my life would become, I’d dropped my forehead to my knees, shivering and sobbing until my fingers and toes were numb and I gave in to the realization that I had no idea what was next for me.

  Seems I didn’t fit into my old life. And the new one wasn’t what I’d hoped for either.

  I had no idea where I was supposed to go. What I was supposed to do. Where I belonged.

  Huddled on the porch I was dancing the light from my flashlight on the ice-covered trees, listening to the fall of branches all around me, wondering if the sharp pain of one falling on the roof of the tiny porch could be the way I go out.

  I’ve barely lived. I’m just twenty-one years old and this is my first time out in the world without my parents to guard my every thought and give me editorial on all the evils of society.

  Now, I’m holding onto a neck so solid it feels like a sturdy tree meant to anchor me. His voice in my ear, telling me everything will be okay, and his arms wrapped around me so tight I feel I’m becoming part of him.

  When his arms first looped around me, another vision enveloped me, only this time it felt comfortable. I saw us together, me sitting on a countertop as he made me a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Even in the dim light from the crazy red moon, I took in his features. I knew it was the man from the restaurant and it was as though a movie starring us began playing in my head.

  “What the hell were you doing out here?” His voice cuts through and I feel the warmth of his breath with each word against my cheek.

  “Trying to sleep.” I know his question is more than the practicalities of what I was doing out in weather like this, sleeping on a porch in the middle of a forest, but it’s all I can come up with at the moment.

  “Okay.” He breathes deep and I feel his chest fill under me as he lifts me higher and tighter against him. “Well, I’ve got better accommodations for you. What’s your name?”

  “Teah.” My teeth chatter as I answer. “What’s yours?”

  “Just call me Lock.”

  My voice shakes with each word. “Thank you for coming for me, Lock.” My words are honest, like he came for me purposefully. Not that he just happened upon me.

  He takes a long moment before answering.

  “I know this may sound strange, but it was impossible for me not to come for you, Teah.”

  He doesn’t say anything else and it feels like he carries me forever. Out of the corner of my eye I can see lights. A cabin larger than the ones where I’d taken shelter comes into view. Ice and rain are covering us both and I’m shaking uncontrollably as he takes me up the stairs and through the door.

  The sofa where he places me is next to a fireplace where a low fire burns. He strips me of the rest of the silver blanket and throws his soaking army jacket on the hearth.

  “These clothes have to come off.” He takes my backpack off his shoulders and leans it against the couch. “You are soaking.”

  “So are you.” I manage through chattering teeth.

  “So I am.” He leans down and opens the top of my pack. “You have dry clothes in here?”

  I nod and reach over and tug out a pair of jeans and a T-shirt.

  “I’ll let you change in here in front of the fire. I’ll be right through that door. When you’re done just let me know. And if you’re hungry, I’ve got a few things. Not much, I’m afraid, I’m a shitty cook.” He turns and walks backwards a few steps then stops, his eyes settling back on mine.

  “I’m okay. Not that hungry.” Food isn’t what I want. There is something I want inside of me but it’s not food. And I’ve never felt this sort of craving.

  “Okay. Take your time. I’m patient.” He flashes me a smile and my belly twists and flutters but he doesn’t move any farther toward the bedroom. He drops his head and I hear him let out a long exhale.

  “Everything okay?” Nervousness ticks inside me.

  “No.” His head is still bowed as he answers, and there’s an aching in my chest. “I’m not okay.”

  He looks up and starts toward me. Long strides with eyes focused on me and his lips tight.

  I shift on the sofa as he squares his body in front of me, heavy hands coming to my shoulders, his fingers digging in.

  “What’s wrong?” I whisper, unsure what this manic energy is I’m feeling. But I know I feel like my heart is either about to be broken or mended.

  “I don’t want to go in that room without you. I don’t know how to explain this, but I feel like I’ve known you my whole life. Like I’ve been waiting for you to come back to me. And now that you’re here, I don’t want you out of my sight.”

  The visions I’ve been having since I saw him in the restaurant start again, and for a moment I panic, only this time, there’s another one and it makes all my fears subside.

  It’s clear.

  Real.

  Us.

  In bed.

  And I know it’s the bed in that room where he was going, and he’s on top of me and a wash of heat and pleasure surges through my body.

  In the vision I feel safe.

  I feel at home.

  “What do we do?” I ask in a hush, giving in to this feeling that he knows the way forward and I am here to follow. His hands come to my cheeks and his lips are on mine. Waves of desire flood every nerve ending in my body as he pulls me up and carries me down the hall and into the bedroom, whispering in my ear.

  “God.” He pulls me harder against him. “We are going to do so many things.”

  5

  Lachlan

  It’s difficult for me to believe she doesn’t recognize me. I mean, I don’t think she does. If she recognizes me, she’s hiding it pretty fucking well.

  She’s looking at me with a mix of nervousness and trust in her emerald green eyes that has my dick practically punching through the front of my wet jeans.

  Inside the small bedroom, I sit her on the edge of the bed and crouch down in front of her, my hands lightly skimming her shoulders before moving down her arms to clasp her freezing hands in mine.

  I want this woman in every way. Her scent invades me, flowing through me like a mating call from some long-lost time. I’m half intoxicated, the room floating around me with only one dim light on the bedside table illuminating half her face, and I see the anticipation there.

  “You okay?” I check, wanting her to know I care. Not just about claiming her, because in my soul I feel this woman belongs to me already, but I want to know how she feels right now. I want to know how she feels always. Forever.

  From now until the end of time.

  “Yes.” She nods on a soft smile, her hands fidgeting in her lap.

  The blue tint to her lips is nearly gone and I lean forward, not willing to even consider that we are not about to do what we are about to do.

  “I want you to know, I realize how crazy this is.” My lips are so close to hers I can taste her. “But I know this is right. I knew it from the moment I saw you in the restaurant. I want you, Teah, and not just your body. I want you to hear that. Do you understand? I want all of you.”

  Her eyes search my face before she answers. Her breath is warm on my lips. “I understand. And at the same time, I d
on’t. I can’t believe this is real, but it feels right.”

  My muscles feel strung too tight, like they’re going to snap at the slightest movement. I want to throw her down and bite and mark her until she understands what it means to be mine, but the smallest rational part of the man in me roars for control. I need her to know the feelings that are behind my words and deeds.

  Her eyes widen, sweeping me into them and the drunk feeling makes my head spin.

  “This is going to sound crazy, but there’s something about us you need to know...I need to tell you what happened when I first saw you.” I pause, feeling the speed of my heartbeat increase, and looking at her I know what my life has been missing. “When I walked into the restaurant yesterday, I had this vision. It was us. It was like when people say their life flashes before their eyes on their deathbed. Only this, this was our life we haven’t lived yet. Our life that is to come. I saw it all, Teah. It scared the shit out of me to be honest, but I knew I had to find you. I knew I would find you.”

  Shock covers her face and I release her hands and bring mine to her neck, needing to feel her pulse there. It’s fast, and the way her damp hair falls over the backs of my hands cools my hot touch.

  “I can’t believe you said that.” She shakes her head, her eyes lowering on a long exhale. There’s wonder there, but something else as well. Almost like...fear. “I saw the same thing.” She gulps. “Except we were—”

  “Wolves.”

  There’s a beat of hesitation, then, “What does it mean?”

  “I don’t know. I only know what I want it to mean.”

  When she raises her eyes again and meets mine, I see all the answers there I need. Her breaths move faster over her lips and her pulse jumps under my fingers.

  I lean back in, closing the space between our lips, and take her mouth with mine. I’m greedy, needing her in my life, but right now I need her wrapped around me.

  When I withdraw, both of us breathless, the pain from my cock pressing upward throbs. “Just tell me, Teah. Tell me you want me. I’ll take it from there.”